Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
