so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize