are you still at the devil's house?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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