I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
