i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
