WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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