ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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