she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
