She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
