I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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