I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
