There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
