I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
