you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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