I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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