how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
