the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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