His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
