she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
