Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
