I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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