We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
