Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You smell like stripper and shame
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize