I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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