Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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