I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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