Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
