I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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