I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
