Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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