Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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