lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
