one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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