State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
