Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
