I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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