Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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