I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
