I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
