There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
