If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
