Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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