i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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