come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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