Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
