i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize