Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
