a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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