I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a beard to bite.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
