I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
