i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize