yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
