Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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