My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
