Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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