Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
