i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
