when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
