Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
