happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
