I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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