I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
