Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
