I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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