Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
