I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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