He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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