Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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