dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
