You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
