as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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