peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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