it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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