well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
