don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize