I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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