so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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