i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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