my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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