In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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