yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
