An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
