Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize