I am puke
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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