I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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