I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
