I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
