I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
