come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
