The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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