The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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