You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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