At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize