so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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