you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
