I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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