My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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