ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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