At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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